This the story of the birth of my firstborn child, who changed my life forever. I brought him into the world. But he, and his siblings after him, are the ones who give me life.

First was the pregnancy; the doctor told me that if I did not give birth to him by my due date, I would be induced. My life was rapidly changing, an I was not prepared for what was going to come next.

On August 29, 2014, with my due date 2 days away, I felt I was nowhere near labor. I went on a trip with my family: my stepmom, dad, and stepsister. I was very pregnant and very miserable. We went to a casino called Buffalo Run in Miami, Oklahoma.

My dad told me to go to the heated indoor pool to see if that would progress my labor. So, I went with my stepsister. I did not swim. I was too pregnant and huge to swim without being in pain. We were the only ones in the pool—we went back to the room a few hours later, and I got a shower after swimming (or shall I say walking around in the chlorine indoor heated pool). I took a long shower. I was in a lot of pain, but I didn’t know what was going on with my body. My parents were in the casino and returned very late.

We had two beds in our room, my stepsister and I in one and my dad and stepmom in another. I could not get comfortable. I tossed and turned all night, hurting. My dad watched me. He was worried about me. I was in labor but didn’t know it. We waited from 2 AM till we could call the doctor first thing in the morning. I was scared. I was not ready for my life to change so fast.

I hope being the strong mom I have to be—even through my own battles—will mean that they will never turn away and will always love me, as much as I love them.

At 7 AM my dad called my doctor. He said he thought I was in labor and described to the doctor how far apart my contractions were. I was calm but scared. We hurried and got all packed, and in the car they helped me get all of my stuff because I was in active labor. We got on the road with a long drive ahead of us.

On the way leaving Miami, we stopped at McDonald’s. Mom said, “You better get some food. You won’t be able to eat.” I was having contractions between trying to talk to her from the third seat of our GMC Acadia.

An hour and a half later we arrived at the hospital. We went straight to Labor and Delivery. I had to fill out paperwork while in labor. I hurried and filled it out. When I finally got in a room, they hooked me up to monitors and checked me. I was already 4 centimeters dilated. I was having strong contractions. They gave me pain meds and got me prepped to have a natural birth.

I progressed in labor all the way. I was told I could have two people in the room, so I chose my dad and one of his grandmas. At ten centimeters it was time to push. I could not feel a thing. I pushed as hard as I could with my dad right by my side. It seemed like I pushed forever. Then things changed. I could not tell if there was an emergency or not; I was so numb and relaxed on pain medication. I was told it was time for a Caesarian section. I did not know why I was having one, and I was scared. I wanted my dad with me—that’s the last thing I remember before I was out. I woke up in a room after surgery and told my son was born: a 7-pound, 8-ounce boy, 18 and ½ inches long. It was 8:40 PM. I named him Phoenix.

Phoenix was the reason my life changed for good, from being only a person to a mom. I was not completely ready for the huge change. I was now a single mother of a newborn. But I was happy when I finally got to see my baby. I came to realize a lot in a short few days I was in the hospital. I was nervous, scared, and mostly worried I would not be the best mom.

The birth of my firstborn son is the biggest memory I have, and I will never forget it. It changed my life forever. This was the best moment of my life. I went from being alone to having my own baby.

Since then I have had 2 more babies, Emma and Jasper. I always wanted 4 considering I was the only child; I wanted a big family of my own. As a very busy mom I go to class, work second shift at Butterball, and take care of my kids. We have had our ups and downs, but that makes us who we are. We don’t have much family anymore. I prefer my children are not hurt more than they have to be; being a mother, I have to protect my kids at all costs. As long as my kids are happy I am happy.

I will never turn my back on my kids. I will break the cycle and be the mom they need. Click To Tweet

I love being a mom. I love my kids. I hope they will always come to me when they need something. I hope I can be the best mom and they grow older and come home a lot. I hope being the strong mom I have to be—even through my own battles—will mean that they will never turn away and will always love me, as much as I love them. Us women were meant to bear children and watch them grow. I love seeing my kids grow and learn new things each and every day, but I also hate that they are growing up so fast.

Being a mother is rewarding. I could be having the worst day possible and a simple hug or smile lights up my day. Or a cuddle watching TV, or looks I get from the baby when he tries to laugh the laughter of the bigger kids playing, to the sick kids just wanting Mom. All of this makes me feel like I am a good mom to my kids, even when I do not feel like I am enough for these babies, and I wish I could do a lot more. I hope as a mother I don’t disappoint my kids, knowing we don’t have much money to go and do stuff, and I hope they are happy with the small gifts I can get them. I never got to have the childhood they do, and I am on a mission to raise them better than how I was raised. I will never turn my back on my kids. I will break the cycle and be the mom they need.

Being a mother is a huge responsibility. I have been through a lot as a mom. I have struggled with nothing, to even more bad stuff, but never once did my kids go without. Mothering the kids is a chore, but being the best mom I can be and loving them is the best thing, and only thing, I ever wanted to do in my life.

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